Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
