we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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