those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
