so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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