I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
