god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
