I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
