Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
