The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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