Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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