Can i not drive my cunt home
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
