Kiss
Puke
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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