hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
