you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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