your parents love me but you hate me
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
ttyl tear gas
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
