Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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