Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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