things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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