Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
please come you make the beer taste better
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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