someone threw a dead crab at me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
