So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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