I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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