While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
