You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
