OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
