is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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