After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
