Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
