I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
the raccoons are back...
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