Michael Bay diarrhea
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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