Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
