i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
