He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize