dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
