Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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