i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I need to calm my uterus...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
