the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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