I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
