she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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