i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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