now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
