This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
