We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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