All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
