Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
