The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
