I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
