there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
