I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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