$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
