Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
