If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You pole danced in your parka.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
