remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
