flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
