If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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