lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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