I just saw a hot homeless man
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
