Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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