My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
