i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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