I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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