do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
